Starting Over

It finally seems like I can see the end of this long Covid-19 tunnel. It sure hasn’t been easy. As I look out into the future things seem so uncertain. The area that feels the most scary is the relationshop arena. I feel like I’ve lost so many connections and I’m also unsure of many of my friendships. Not to be overly dramatic but I hate not knowing where my relationships stand. As a person who has suffered a lot of trauma relationships can be very scary. I struggle to trust and feel secure. On top of that everyone’s comfort level is so different. How do you navigate?

I am ready to get out into the world. This season of Covid-19 has been so stressful for everyone and some have lost loved ones, there has been job loss, and depression. On the other hand, this time has given us a rare opportunity, a chance to start fresh. We can decide anew where we want to put our time. We can decide which relationships we want to rekindle and which ones we want to leave behind. Some of us tender hearted ones will need to put on a brave face as we try to reconnect. I know I’ve already had to remind myself that I’m a great person and a good friend and the facts of this are not changed by whether or not someone wants to be my friend.

Last autumn we moved to a different city and we’ve not even had the chance to meet our neighbors. Some of this returning to normal will hopefully mean meeting them and getting out to explore our new town. The warmer weather will help with this too. How are you feeling about things getting back to normal? Have your friendships survived? Do you plan to go back to business as usual or are you using this time as a fresh start? Will folks recognize you or have you changed so much that you wont been recognized.

D

Why Is Reading So Hard?

I am a book lover. For as long as I can remember books have been a big part of my identity. When I was a child I always read above grade level and you could often find me with my nose in a book or down at the local library. Librarians were some of the only safe adults in my life when I was a teen. When the trauma of life became too much to bear I would go lose myself in a stack of books. Soon the librarians came to know me and they would make recommendations. One of the best days of my teen years was when a librarian pointed out to me that the library had a teen magazine area.

Fast forward to now, I still love books! I have the desire to read them so why is it so hard to do? I have brain fog and I never get enough sleep and I know that both of those things make it hard to concentrate on a good book. But I have to ask, has television and social media made my brain soft? It feels so much easier to just scroll. It seems to require so much less energy. I’d really like to fix this problem but so far I’ve no success.

Have you struggled with this issue? How did you recover your love for reading? I miss it…

Self-Care Spring Cleaning

We are having a lovely early spring here in Wisconsin! My yard is almost free from snow and the patches of brown and green are taking over. I’m feeling a little better since my physician upped my dose of levothyroxine. Because I’m feeling better I have been focusing on getting rid of some of the bad habits I have cultivated over the winter and embracing new habits and self-care as a spring goal. I’ve returned to my EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) practice in order to get my anxiety under control. I’m focusing more on eating for health and moving in ways that feel good. I’d like to get back to yoga this week as well.

I’m starting to realize that what holds me back is often my past trauma. When I am feeling the effects of C-PTSD it makes me feel overwhelmed and because of that I become incapacitated. I freeze and it can be hard to get myself moving forward again. That is why I haven’t been posting here as often. Writing is harder when I’m feeling frozen, my brain just doesn’t do what I want it to do.

It is a beautiful sunny day outside and so I am going to go soak up some of that sunlight. What do you do for self-care?

I’m Back

I have been away for a long time and I am finally starting to pick up writing again. We are mostly settled into our new home and new town. The holidays are over and life feels sort of normal, or as normal as it can be given the pandemic. You may remember that I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia a little over a year ago. Since that time my health has been a bit of a nightmare. Recently I was pleasantly surprised by a new development on the health front. I have been diagnosed with hypothyroidism. Almost immediately after starting medication most all of my symptoms have disappeared. Now my doctor and I are not sure if I even have fibromyalgia. It is true that I am trading one chronic illness for another but at least this one seems easier to treat for the time being.

I am happy to be feeling better and I’ve been trying to figure out how to once again roll with the changes. I’m trying to figure out how to best feed my body and how much exercise is best given my new condition. This health journey has not been easy and I don’t think that my health is going to suddenly be perfect but it is much easier to troubleshoot health issues when your are sleeping and not struggling with extreme brain fog.

This is where you come in, do you have hypothyroidism? What has worked or not worked for you? Do you have any tips to share? I promise that I will be writing more now that my life is more settled.

We Are Moving

We are moving! We will be about 30 minutes from where we are now. Even though we are only moving to a suburb of where we currently live it feels like a million miles away. We are leaving the city and joining a smaller community. Our condo is being replaced by a house nestled in a snug circle.

I am excited about decorating the new place and exploring my new neighborhood. It will be weird to not see all of the same things everyday. On the other hand, I think it will be good to have a change and it might bring some healing to be farther away from the sites of so much of my trauma.

It has not been a picnic moving in the midst of the holiday season but then has anything about 2020 been easy? The fact that we have to move over the holidays has barely registered. Nothing has felt normal this year. I’m doing my best to be grateful and I’m trying to flow and resist as little as possible. I really am grateful to have so much good in my life, especially considering where I can from.

I am looking forward to having a fenced yard where Sansa can play and I can put some plants in once spring hits. There is enough room for all of my grand doggies to hang out together when they come to visit. I can barely contain my excitement at having my own office. My husband and I share one right now. At first, it was no big deal but since he has been working from home it has become less comfortable. It will be fun decorating a new space for the holidays. I’m hoping to buy one of those cute holiday corgis for my front yard. 🙂

Life is pretty sweet. Usually, I am not happy about change. Transitions tend to make me anxious. This transition has come at the perfect time and I feel ready to face whatever changes come because of it. It is wonderful when things happen right on time. I will miss the snug feeling of our condo but I know I will enjoy the expansiveness of the new place. 2020 has been about staying home, it feels small and restrictive, now all of the sudden we will be expanding and bringing all of this newness into our life. Hopefully soon (once we have a vaccine) all the world will be able to breathe easily and start to expand again. I wonder how things will be different once we all venture out into the world. Have we learned anything? Hopefully, we have learned to be more grateful for what we have and who we have in our lives. Once we are all moved in I will post some photos. I hope you have a safe and happy turkey day and I will post again soon!

D

Changes

Well here we are in November and 2020 has not let up in making life difficult. In my last post I wrote about how Maverick and I were getting back into the swing of things. Since then we have lost Maverick. It happened very suddenly and I have been grieving for a few weeks now. About two weeks before Maverick got sick we brought a new puppy into our home. She has helped me some with my grieving and she has kept our family pretty busy. That being said losing Maverick will always be my most painful memory of 2020. Autumn was always one of our favorite times and it will always remind me of him.

Our newest family member is a cute little corgi. She is a sweet bundle of energy and happiness.

I’m feeling very grateful that she came into our lives just when we needed her.

At the end of the month we will be closing on a house and moving about 30 minutes away. I think it will be good for all of us to have a change of scenery. It will be fun to decorate a new space. Of course this big change has its good side and bad side. We are moving during the holiday season and that will be a big challenge. I have made peace with the holidays being unique this year just like everything else. The only way I have survived this year is to just go with whatever happens. Flow with the current is the name of the game.

Today is election day. Thankfully I voted by mail a long time ago so I do not have to go out and risk getting sick. I’m swinging between wanting to watch the news all day, wide-eyed and freaked out, or just avoiding it altogether. I think the best thing I can do is try to stay busy. I keep telling myself that it is almost 2021 and then this awful year will be over. Of course, in the back of my head, I know that 2021 is not going to solve all of our country’s problems and that the road ahead is going to be hard no matter what happens today.

I hope that wherever you are you are safe, healthy, and well loved.

D

Autumn Rushing In

September has come rushing in bringing with her lots and lots of rain. It has been chilly enough for us to have our first fire of the season in the fireplace. I have taken the summer blankets off the bed and replaced them with our winter comforter. I am not complaining. Autumn is my season and so I have welcomed her with open arms. We are expecting slightly warmer weather next week as summer breathes her last breath before fall winds blow her away and usher in all of the lovely colors of the season. My summer allergies are fading away and I can finally breathe a little easier. Maverick and I are back into the swing of our walks outdoors which makes him very happy.

I have dusted off my lightbox and I’m trying to remember to use it every day. With all of the garbage that has happened this year the last thing I need is uncontrollable S.A.D. I have learned through many years of experience that it is so important to try to prevent it rather than cope with it once it becomes really severe. Depression is the LAST thing I need right now. EMDR is going well and I can feel my C-PTSD continuing to improve. I can’t help but wonder where this treatment was all my life. I am still not sleeping well. Bleh…sleep is a fight I may never win.

I have been watching musicals every chance I get! If you have any good ones to recommend I’d love to hear about them! I finally got around to watching the Greatest Showman. I liked it a lot more than I expected to. I’m also excited about Halloween coming next month. I will be revisiting my favorite scary movies and some not so scary seasonal favorites. I will probably start the month with Nightmare Before Christmas since it is kind of a musical.

Well, that is about it for my update. I may review individual Ipsy products this month but I do not plan to do the whole bag.

Happy September,

D

I Need Change

Well here we are at the end of August and who would have believed we would still be stuck in our homes. My best friend always knew this would be the situation but in uncharacteristically optimistic fashion I thought that maybe by autumn things might be different. So here we are and September is politely knocking on the door. I like September although it is fairly unpredictable here in Wisconsin. It can get very warm and very cold swinging back and forth. It is a lovely time to go apple picking but that won’t be happening this year. That being said I still intend to whip up some yummy apple dishes this month.

I really need a change. I’m sure you do too. I am an introvert but I like novelty and experience and I’m tired of only being able to experience the same walls. I feel my connections to the outside world slipping away as the people I care about seem farther and farther from me. I’m not sure how to bridge this gap. I really dislike trying to video chat but lately, I have been doing more of it. It is a poor substitute for actually being with someone. At first, I was really digging all the time I had to work on projects and I was enjoying the slower pace of life. Now I just want to go to a movie and maybe a dinner out. So in an effort to make myself feel better, I am changing up my schedule for September.

My BFF and I have declared September to be musical month and we will be watching musicals all month. Do you have a favorite? I am also going to write every day. I am working on a memoir and I want to dedicate more time to that. I’m going to cut back on my social media consumption because it is not doing anything to help my mood right now. I’m going to try to add more yoga into my life. I was doing it 4 times a week before I fell down the stairs. Now that I am getting back to normal I intend to add it back into my weekly routine. None of this is the change I’m craving but it is going to shake up my routine a little bit and I’m hoping that helps.

How are you doing?

Me and my bff in happier times.

July Update

Bruised and broken would be a good way to describe my summer so far. About a month ago I fell down my basement stairs and sustained a pretty awful set of injuries. Many of them are mostly healed but my left elbow is in rough shape. I start PT on Wednesday and all I hope is that it is not too painful. On Tuesday I get an event monitor to wear for a month. My doctor is still trying to figure out why I fell and hoping the event monitor will give us some information. So yeah it has been a difficult summer so far. I am currently using EMDR with my therapist in order to break through my sleeping issues. Right now I am dreaming of Autumn. It is so hot here! Near 90 every day and very humid. Hopefully, by the time fall comes around I will be mostly healed and able to enjoy life a little more. Along with all of my physical stuff the world feels so out of control. I have to remind myself to breathe and find the good in the world. Right now the good for me is my family, a few good friends, my dog, art, and enjoying nature.

It is too hot for Maverick and me.

Family time out in nature.

I just have to keep reminding myself that this too shall pass…

June Ipsy Bag

I was so happy to see this bag arrive in the mail! It is so cheerful and fun, just the pick me up I needed. It is amazing how happy this little bag can make me especially in this time of COVID.

This bag contained a really nice mix of products.

This gel cleansing foam is supposed to be very gentle. While it did not irritate my sensitive skin it did make it a little dry. I will probably only use it when my skin is feeling very oily.

I am a big fan of First Aid Beauty! This product did not disappoint. I loved the way it made my pores less visible and it worked great as a primer. My skin felt moisturized and not dry after use. I would definitely buy this product.

I wasn’t sure how I was going to feel about this nail polish. Ipsy is real hit and miss when it comes to nail color. After trying it I can say that I really like this product. The polish goes on smoothly and so far it has lasted great! No chips even after cleaning the house and taking a long bath. I appreciate that it doesn’t have a strong odor.

OMG! I love this mud mask so much!! It is a pretty shade of purple and it has a very light scent. It is most definitely a mud mask but it is light making it perfect for the warmer weather months. It left my skin feeling soft and smooth, not too dry or oily. I suspect this is gentle enough to be used more frequently than I usually use mud masks.

Now for the champion of this bag, Ofra does it again with their Soho Highlighter! This amazing highlighter is cruelty-free and vegan. It is very high quality and matched my skin tone perfectly. It left my face looking more youthful and sparkly. I swipe some on whenever I go out and I feel like it gives my face a little pick me up. 5 stars!

 

What did you get in your bag this month??

 

D